It's my sister, Sara, she is asking me if she can come in. I reluctantly get up go over to the door and let her in, I see she's dressed for bed, I immediately regret letting her in. Sara comes over to my bed and sits at the foot of it, I can see her puffy eyes, I realize she's been crying. Sara starts sobbing and saying how she's sorry for the other night, not for what I saw her doing, but for not doing or say something when she realized what we had done. She said I caught her so off guard, that she was in shock for a while after the incident. She said that she wished that she had told me not to go, or had grabbed my arm to hold me there. I was in shock hearing her say these things, where was this coming from, what was happening. Sara told me that she has been turned-on by me and was using that as inspiration when she masturbated. She said that she had always thought of me as more than a big brother, I was her hero, her protector, I was her best friend. Sara continued to explain her. He was almost pretty. Effeminate? No, not quite. She sought a descriptive word and decided on worldly, discarded it and tried venturesome. He seemed to be able to look right into her brain, into her heart. He was very different. She was sure he was just a flirt, but what a confident and handsome one. Still, a bit odd somehow, peculiar even, as if he really were somewhere else, always looking about, striking poses, feeling his own chin or his Adam's apple above his high, tight collar. His powdered hair coiled above his ears under his small wig with its odd tails and his soft mouth was almost girl-like as he chatted aimlessly, glancing over her shoulder, nodding to others while he flirted with her.He had told her that he had been a prisoner in Pennsylvania earlier in the war, said a whole county in Maryland had been named for the man who captured him, and he made up silly songs to the music, tortured syntax, sly jokes she did not always understand, many rhymes for Anne such as command.
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